I know I wrote a blog about faith/meditation yesterday, but like I said I’m not perfect. Last night, I swear my patience was wearing very thin. I felt this fire inside of me, like a ticking time bomb about to explode any minute with emotions. I just want to be alone. Is this normal?? There are times when I do not want to talk to my boyfriend on the phone, I do not want to deal with my parents, and lastly there is fucking way I want deal or see my brother. He is the icing on the cake. I can’t stand him, especially when I’m losing my patience. He is one of the reasons why my parents and I are constantly stressed out, and now I’m going to go on a rant about him (sorry!). Maybe it makes me feel better, but what the hell. Here I go. He is a PIG!!! and expects my parents and I to cater to his every fucking need. He is one of the most selfish persons I know on this earth. He is way much older than I am and yet he acts like a 19 year old immature brat. He still lives with his parents and is in total debt (credit cards, school loans- mind you he graduated like 10-15 years ago), took out loans on behalf of my mom (which by the way ended up destroying her credit scores- because he did not pay his student loans in the past 10 years), and he has tons of credit cards (did I tell you that some of the credit cards were under my parents names???). Every time he comes home, I swear, I feel like he brings a dark cloud with him. I love my brother and I always will, but he just adds that extra volume of stress in my life.
***I wrote the above paragraph last night***
So, since last night, I cooled off, I think I was very tired because I came home late (last minute meeting at work) and the night before. Also, I noticed that when I do not work out, I feel like total shit. I’ve started going to a recreation with my dad, it has an indoor and outdoor pool and a fitness center. My dad goes there almost everyday and has been getting my mom and I to go with him. I use to HATE going, only because I was extremely lazy and just wanted to watch tv and relax after work. Who can blame me? My commute to work is about an hour long. Anyways, in the past month, I’ve been going with my father and I head straight to the fitness center while my dad goes to the pool. Oh did I mention, the recreation has 2 saunas?? No wonder, my dad loves going there. It’s a good way to relax. I go to the gym for about 40-60 mins and then I go to the saunas. I just sit there and try to do some meditation (I do not mean sitting with my legs crossed and saying ‘cmmmmmmm’)- I just lay there and do some breathing exercises (breathe in and breathe out). All jokes aside, adding the gym/sauna in my daily routine, Monday through Friday routine, does wonders. Believe me, I can lose some weight, but I do this for mental exercise (I’m not crazy, well, I don’t think I am, but going through all this bullshit drives me insane). Also, I use to get extremely bored, especially when using the treadmill, but I load up my kindle with some books (I love mystery books) and read it while I’m on either the treadmill or elliptical. My boyfriend thinks I’m nuts when I do this (reading my kindle) but I just speed walk on the treadmill and have it on an incline. For me, reading helps to kill time.
Bottom line- I highly recommend adding some exercise to your daily routine, especially when writing a dissertation and have a 9:00-5:00PM job. I honestly, go on the treadmill for about 30-40 minutes and then the elliptical for about 10-15 minutes. Try it! I started off with baby steps and then it (exercising) just gradually became part of my routine.