Updates

Hi Folks,

Again, I’m sorry for not writing frequently. At this point, I should perhaps think about writing a book about my freaking life. I have both good and bad updates (mostly bad).

Let’s start off with the bad (let’s rip that band-aid):

  • Three months ago, my father got fired from his job. A total of 22 years of being a building superintendent. I will explain this in another blog. But we are OK. I can tell you that it was HELL. We went to court and had to find a place to live quick, despite the holidays.
  • My brother, went back to his old habits (addiction).
  • Grad school stuff was been the worse.
  • Job is ok, but I need the fucking degree to get promoted.

Good stuff:

  • My parents and I found a nice place to live. We are much happier.
  • I keep praying and my faith has really gotten me through the darkest days of my life.

Although my life of bad updates/stuff is longer than the good, all I can say that things could be worse. Financially, things are a bit tight, but I have faith my family and I will get through this.

2017, I really hope you can treat my family and I better. 2016 can kiss my ass!

I will try to write something tomorrow. But I really hope you guys/gals had a happy new year. Despite all these life setbacks, the only thing we can do is to move forward! As my parents say “tenemos que siguer adelante!”

I really missed blogging and I will try to this more frequently. Bye folks!

Grad school Friends

One of my best friends from grad school visited me yesterday and to be honest with you I’m the worse person to ever keep in touch with friends. It’s not because I’m selfish or I don’t care, but for some odd reason, I’m just bad a keeping in touch. I’ve lost many friends because of that. Life gets in the way. I think if I had more close friends, I wouldn’t blog my problems with graduate school and family. But in a way, this (blogging) is like an outlet for me. It’s hard to tell my friends my problems or issues I’m facing because sometimes I feel like I’m boring them or they just want me to shut up. That’s why I keep my problems/issues all to myself, which is also not good. I just deal with it or completely ignore it and move on.

However, I have a few people in my life that I can really call ‘friends.’ I’m really not a girls girl, however, the few girl friends that I have are the relationship that I care the most about. No offense ladies, it is really hard to be friends with girls. I get along better with guys because there are ‘drama free’. I have girl cousins and it’s hard for me to be really close to them because I feel like they are judgmental and always criticizing about everything little thing. I only have 2 really close girl friends : (  I know that is sad, but its the truth.

Well, it was very refreshing to see my friend. It’s almost as if we were each others therapist. Also, it is nice to pick up where we left off with life. It kinda puts everything into perspective when we start talking about each others lives, or what has happened since the last time we saw each other.

I really missed my friend, she has been there for me throughout grad school. I had to really great friends in grad school, her and a guy friend. We were each others ‘safe space’ in our department. I was very luck to have them. I even dedicated a whole paragraph to them in my dissertation acknowledgements.

Reading

Reading for pleasure has anyone tried?? I love to read! there is something about being transported away to a different place, time, and meeting different people.

Even when I was a kid, I use to collect the Bernstein bear books, babysitter clubs, ect. OMG, I use to be obsessed with those books.

What I do now is borrow books from my local library. I used to read from my kindle but it was getting a little costly after awhile.

Also aside from reading journal articles or books related to your research, it is always best to mix it up a bit.

Perhaps, not similarly going to gym, but I tried to read a book on a daily basis. Obviously, it has be to be something interesting. Also, my commute time is about an hour, so reading kills time on the train.

Click on this link and it explains ‘reasons why we should read’: http://www.realsimple.com/health/preventative-health/benefits-of-reading-real-books

So far I’ve read the following books:

  • The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah (I’m currently reading this)
  • Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson (OMG- this is a must!!!)
  • When I’m Gone by Emily Bleeker
  • Our souls at night  (this is ok)
  • The Piano teacher (this is ok)
  • The expatriates (good book)
  • All the light we cannot see (a must read!)
  • The Girl on the Train (OMG!)

 

Determined to keep going….

Hi Folks,

So my last blog was about not giving up on myself and I am determined to do that. I am not sure if I mentioned this, but I have a full-time job and a part-time graduate student. I am not taking classes though, I finished all of my course work and comps in the first two years of my grad program.

I am determined to keep going. I know other people are in worse situations and I shouldn’t give up. I will not. This is my year and I will take ownership of it and stop letting time pass me by. I have to do it for myself and family, even though they STRESS the hell out of me, but that is nothing new.

I will take care of myself better because I come first. As one of my professor told me and she lives by, “I have the RIGHT to my own LIFE.”

Day 8_MIA…Sorry

Hello!!

Sorry for MAJOR DELAY! I think my last blog was in October! whoops! Let me catch you up, the reason I am doing this is because I cannot sleep. All I keep doing is thinking ALOT!!!

So, I think in my last blog- I was doing doing a daily routine which included: waking up early, go to the gym, then do work, go home, do some more work (because you know YOU ALWAYS TAKE WORK HOME WITH YOU AS A GRADUATE STUDENT…AND IF YOU DON’T CONSIDER YOURSELF AWESOME!), then have dinner, watch tv, and pass out!

Well, the routine worked for a while, when a curveball came my way. I mentioned this in my first blog, about my family problems. Well, it only intensified and got worse since I last brought it up. Long story short, my dad was about to be unemployed, he is a superintendent (basically cleaning and managing a building), and just Yesterday, the building was officially sold by another company. Good news is, that my dad is working for that company now. However, the weeks leading up to yesterday, were the worse days, not only for me, but for my parents and brother as well. Why? well, because if my dad did not work then we’d have to find a place to live and to be honest, we do not have the ability to purchase a home or even cover 3 months worth of rent (security deposit, real estate agent fees, and 1st months rent). The whole ordeal was STRESSFUL and it really screwed up things, because my mom was depressed, my dad tried to be positive and telling us that ‘everything will be OK’, my brother was trying really hard to straighten things out with my dad previous employers (basically they are trying to screw my dad over). I dreaded calling my parents (I call them everyday and at least 2x’s a day) because of the problems and issues going on at home. Nothing was the same anymore because we were all so overwhelm. I did not want to deal with it because I have to finish my dissertation. All I kept thinking about was my family and it is really difficult to separate family and work, well for me at least.

However, since my dad is now working for these new company, we are able to stay in the same building and he will now have benefits, over-time pay, rent free apartment, and lastly he will only work certain hours of the day (this is totally the opposite from his previous employers). My mom is going to work today, which she is super happy about. So, in a way I am happy and relieved because this whole situation had a negative effect on me, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Some updates with my dissertation, well I am almost there! I just have the analysis/findings and conclusion chapter to work on and that is it. I was planning on graduating this semester BUT I do not think it is possible. Also, I thought that if I graduate in the spring of 2015, I can use my grace-period (6 months) to pay back my loans. So, if I graduate in December then I would have to start paying back my loans in May; however, if I graduate in May I will pay them back in November. Also, good news! I have a full-time job waiting for me in February!! can you believe??! I super happy and relieved!

Anyways, I’m starting to feel sleepy (it’s like 12:50 AM)- I will try to go the gym today and start my routine!

I will try to start writing again here, I promise!!!

Day 4_Getting back on Track

Hello,

Family Problems: Well I come to find out my brother will take care of the issues going on at home (ie. my dad potentially getting laid off and finding a new home). I feel a little better because usually I would be responsible to do everything. I do not mind, but completing a dissertation and being in a totally different state does not help. Plus, when I was living at home, I never got any work done because things would just come up with my family (ie. my mom getting sick- she is diabetic or paying bills ect). We have been somewhat tight on money, especially since my mom stopped working. I wonder if I am the ONLY one going through all of this BS, I do not understand why everything cannot go smoothly. I don’t even hear this from my peers, like I am sure they do have problems and issues at home or in life in general, but I don’t understand why I have to deal with life changing problems, especially at home. Sometimes, I just get mad. However, this pushes me to finish alot quicker.

Academia: So, yesterday I had my meeting with my advisor and it went better than I expected. He just pointed out a few thing I needed to change. Can I be honest with you? This is perhaps like 2 productive meetings I ever have with him since I started the program. Like I wish he was like this all the time, but everything is dependent on his mood swings or if he is having a bad day/week/month. It sucks, because when he is in a bad mood, the whole dissertation process just gets delayed. UGH. But now, I am happy at least he pointed the specific changes I need to make. I hope to have clean and completed draft to my committee by the first week of November (I will update you on that as well).

I’ve started jogging the past 2 nights and it really helps to blow off some steam. I really hope I can keep this up.

The following are my goals for this upcoming weekend:

1. work on my dissertation edits and hand it in by Monday

2. Keep jogging

3. pray alot for my family

Day 3_Advisors & Family

Hello,

I had such a weird dream and I am sorry I am hispanic and we are very superstitious people. There is a meaning or sign in anything, or at least we try to find some type of symbolism. Anyways, going back to my dream, I dreamt about my extended family, and to me, automatically, that is NOT GOOD (lol). That means I’m going to have a bad day (you see, very superstitious). My dad is a superintendent and his boss is a totally b***tch, like she instills FEAR in people. I like to call her Cruella DeVil. Well, I just called my parents (I always check in with them) and my dad told me that Cruella DeVil told him to show up at the office at 11 AM, this is very random. But I really hope that meeting goes well and it’s hard not think of the worse, because like I said, she NEVER does this. I’m very scared because the worse thing that might happen is that he might get fired (plus my dream does not help, since it was a bad omen). I think I wouldnt be able to get it together, because my mother is unemployed and this puts a lot of pressure on me. I’m still trying to get through this friggen dissertation but I can’t worry about my family at the same time. It’s difficult when people tell you need to prioritize- but how do you do that when your family needs you??? Please, wish me luck and I hope everything goes well in that meeting with my dad and his boss.

My advisor, well last night decides to email me and tell me that my chapters are CRAP. I worked so hard on them and now all of the sudden its CRAP. I will write about him another day, because it is alot, he put literally put me through hell and is not the GREATEST advisor. I have never gone through soo much turmoil in life, every since I came into this program and paired up with my advisor. He is like on a different like, let me explain, in a very short version. The guy is a raging lunatic and goes off on anyone and who ever’s paper he is reading, oh boy, he will take it out on him or her. I seriously think people like that should really retire, because they are not help and create a very hostile environment. So, I have a meeting with him today (oh God, 2 meetings – my dad and I- with the devils). Last night, when I read his email (advisors)- I couldn’t even respond because had I did- it wouldn’t go too well. So, I decided to go out for a run and it really helped me cool off some steam.

Well, I’m off- going to get some work done and prep for my meeting with my advisor.

Hope you all have a better day!

***UPDATE****

So, I was right, bad dream equals bad day. So, my dad’s boss said they are selling the building (which my dad has been a superintendent for 18 years). Now, I have a massive headache because all I can think about is the future. Who is going to hire a 65 year old? This is not good.

**Another Update**

Sorry, to keep updating, but I just felt the need to write more. Today was a very rough and tough day for my family. I feel bad for my dad because my mom just told me that is feeling down since his conversation with his boss. We are worried about the future and what is going to happen next. We never imagined this would happen, my dad may need to find another job, but hopefully whoever is buying the building will hire my father, so he can continue to be the superintendent for the same building. Then we would not have to move. This is so stressful and another ‘thing’ to have on my shoulders. But I will be positive and pray everything goes well.

As for my advisor, just had a meeting with him and went better than expected. Just pointed out a few changes I have to make. But seriously, was the email necessary enough to freak me out? UGH.

Day 2_How to say “NO” when trying to get work done

The power of NO (I do not mean dating wise- I mean academic wise). It’s very difficult when you have friends who do not have the same goals as you do. Believe me, I am the biggest procrastinator, but I’m trying very hard not to waste time anymore. I’m trying to finish my dissertation this semester and graduate by December. It is very difficult when you have a friend who continuously wants to go out and do work elsewhere, when clearly you know you will never get anything done. How do you deal with this????

Going back to the procrastination, I feel like it’s a disease. Boy, I wish there was a way to get rid of it. However, lately I’ve been doing alot better. My roommate is in law school and all she does is study and when I see her it encourages me to do the same (in my world that means write and read alot). We encourage each other and know when it is time to do work. Plus, the living situation is alot better, I use to live my parents and I never got any work done. Now, my only job is to write my dissertation and teach. Teaching is not a big deal, it is manageable. Yesterday, I graded 100 exams and the exam was yesterday too. I finished all 100 (all short answers).

Anyways. I’m going to into work mode. Wish me luck!

I’ll write back later.