Actions Speak Louder than Words

Hi folks,

Actions speak louder and than words. A phrase that annoys the hell out of me, but it is true. We (mostly myself) tend to talk and plan alot but we do not follow through. However, this time I am. If I really want to see a change in my life from now on, this is the time to do it. Since, I royally fucked up in the past.

I will follow through:

  • Credit card debt– the action plan for this is to budget, stop using my credit cards, and plan out how to tackle down my credit card payments.
  • Student loans– the action plan for this is to pay more than the minimum.
  • Find a better paying job– the action for this is obvious, I need to do more job searching and I need to find a part time job.
    • I’ve already updated my resume and CV, and so far, I already have 1 major interview lined up. If I get that job, I should be set and be able to help out more.
  • Mental and physical health– the action plan for this is to:
    • Going to church during lunch time has helped me reflect about the past, present, and future. A block away from my job, there is a church, and just walking into the church, gives me a sense of reality relief and helps me reflect on myself. I recommend doing this. It gives you some peace of mind.
    • Eating healthier and going to the gym is the obvious action plan for physical health.
      • since, I’m budgeting, I’m bring lunch to work and staying away from starbucks : (

Funny how I always include my family in my list, but this time I am not. I can’t help them if I cannot help myself. This time I will follow through with this. My anxiety was out of control last week, it was really really bad due to credit card debt, student loans, and rent payments. So, I literally grabbed a book and wrote down all of my credit card balances and when I get a paycheck. I will explain my game plan on this in another blog, because I want to test it out first, and if it works then I will share it.

Honestly, I tell myself things could be alot worse than it is now. Just because I do not have a PhD, does not mean life stops. Yes, I didn’t get it, now I have to move on, and folks I am. I’m trying really hard, but sometimes I look back and say to myself, “you screwed up so bad and look at you now?! What makes you think you will do better?!” Again, I will explain in another blog, about what really happened and how I faced my department about my experiences with my advisor.

Anyways, I’m trying.

Working Out

So, it’s going to be two weeks now since I’ve been going to the gym. I’m going to try to stick with it, but I’ve made it a part of my daily routine. In other words, just like I how I eat dinner everyday, I go to the gym everyday. I’m going at my own pace, in terms of not getting all nuts. After the 4th or 5th day, I felt a difference in myself, not physical, but mentally. I felt a bit calmer and not as anxious.

I think going to the gym or at least doing some type of physical activity (besides walking to your car, or commuting home) should be a part of our day. I can see how people get really obsessed going to the gym because you are dealing with yourself and listening to your favorite music. Nothing else matters, but you and the great music.

Do I see a change? NOPE…lol. I really don’t see a change in my body but I do see a change in my attitude and state of mind.

I do the following at the gym: 

  • 30 minutes on the treadmill 
    • 5 minutes warmup
    • 10 minutes incline and power walk
    • 15 minutes incline and jogging
  • 10 minutes on the Arc Trainer machine 
  • 10 minutes on elipitical 
  • 15 minutes of weights 

So, bottom line, go out and do some exercise. Go out and enjoy some great music.

Determined to keep going….

Hi Folks,

So my last blog was about not giving up on myself and I am determined to do that. I am not sure if I mentioned this, but I have a full-time job and a part-time graduate student. I am not taking classes though, I finished all of my course work and comps in the first two years of my grad program.

I am determined to keep going. I know other people are in worse situations and I shouldn’t give up. I will not. This is my year and I will take ownership of it and stop letting time pass me by. I have to do it for myself and family, even though they STRESS the hell out of me, but that is nothing new.

I will take care of myself better because I come first. As one of my professor told me and she lives by, “I have the RIGHT to my own LIFE.”

October Updates

Hi Folks!

I know it’s been awhile but I back. Hopefully, I can write more regularly this time.

A few things happened in the past few weeks:

  1. I went away with my boyfriend for a week and a half. I had the greatest time, who knew I loved micro breweries. It’s pretty popular in the Northwest, especially in Canada. I do not know what it is, but if I can describe it, it is like tasting something new, a drink you will not get anywhere else (unless it is commercialized ie. Budweiser ..ewwww). I’m a fan of light beer, however, let’s take a step back. I do not drink to get wasted, I enjoy a drink or two or three to get away from my regular working life and just enjoy the moment with whomever I am with. For example, we were hanging out with some of the locals, mind you, this is not your typical bars. For one thing, these bars did not have 100 tvs all over the place, did not have loud music, or rowdy people. It was a relaxed environment to socialize and just getaway from the bustling city. Anyways, I had a fun.
  2. I met with my adviser and things are coming along and the defense will be take place next month. FINALLY.
  3. I’ve been reading alot of novels, short stories, mysteries and thrillers ect. and I love it. I think I want to be a writer on my spare time. lol. I don’t know what it is, but I just love getting lost into some else’s world. I was looking into writing retreats and it just may be part of my bucket list.
  4. Family problems and it NEVER ends. This time is about money issues and as usual it comes down to my brother’s careless adventures and selfish decisions. Long story short, my dad and I have our savings and i am the only one with access to the account and I lent my brother some money, because he needed it to move into his new apartment. The first red flag is that if you cannot afford to move into your apartment, why would you rent one in the first place. Go figure. So, without my dad’s permission I took out money from the account and gave it to my brother because I felt bad and he kept bothering me ALOT. I wanted to help out. Six months passed and my brother never paid me back and my dad found out about me lending money to my brother and was furious. I wish I can do into depth but it’s a long story about why my brother and dad’s relationship. So, now my dad does not trust anymore with our savings and I’m pissed off at my brother because he put me into this position.
  5. Work is OK.
  6. I went to my doctor’s appointment and my physical health is bad, I’m like 2 cupcakes away from becoming a diabetic person. I was so good in the past, going to the gym and now I can barely stand going. However, I need to make drastic and healthy changes for my own good.

This is a brief update and will write back again tomorrow.