Day 7_Busy Bee

Hello,

Sorry for not writing as much, but I have been pretty busy lately. It such a nice feeling when you are just concentrated and working every day and seeing progress. I’ve been pretty good lately and I have been working non-stop and it is such a great feeling because I know I am getting things done. I’m really hoping to graduate this winter, so I’m going to make every day count.

It’s hard not to think back in the past, because all that time, I could have been done with this f***king dissertation. However, you live and you learn (hopefully). My writing is not that great (as you can see in posts..lol) but after reading for awhile and writing almost everyday, you kinda of build some confidence and maybe that is why (NOW) I enjoy doing this. We shall see how it goes. I am literally in my office, with the door closed, and just typing away.

In regards to my family, my father and my brother are going to meet with my dad’s boss; so it’s going to be a big meeting and hopefully everything goes. Basically, they (my dad’s boss) is trying to screw with my dad and we want to get the story straight with them. Last week, my brother confronted my dad’s boss (in a polite way), but bottom line, we are in the right.

Well, I will try to update later. Those of you working on your thesis/dissertation- hope you have a happy writing day!!!! keep it up!!!

Day 6_Rainy days

Hello!

Well, today I am determined to finish these edits and work on my conference paper presentation. I was not as productive over the weekend, as I hoped I would be. But I can’t take back time, just try not to waste time today.

It’s a rainy day today and just makes me want to stay in bed and watch reruns of my favorite shows. If only I had the time to do that.

I will write back later : )

Day 5_feeling like CRAP

Not feeling well today. Hopefully, I will get better soon, I hate the feeling of a stuffy nose and head. Well, the situation at home is really not helping out at all because I worry too much about what is going to happen in the future. I keep thinking about it and it sucks because it interferes with my writing time. I just hope and pray everything goes well. Speaking of praying, I’m starting to pray alot, I know it sounds hypocritical to pray at a time in need, and when everything is going smoothly I forget to pray and move about. It’s funny how that works. In other words, you seek God when you need him but when you do no need him, you seem to forget about Him. Sometimes, you just need to take some time to reflect.

I haven’t been able to work on the edits as much as I like to, but I really need to work on it over the weekend. I can barely do any work today.

Hopefully, over this weekend I can get as much work out of the way as possible.

Anyways, hope you all have a GREAT weekend!!!!

***UPDATE***
So, I’m feeling a bit better, enough to do some work before going to bed. I have never been of a fan of ‘dubstep’ music/genre, but it keeps me going, concentration wise. I usually listen to classical music when I write, but for some reason, this helps. Pretty upbeat. I’m using Pandora and just put ‘dubstep’- I know it’s like a huge thing in the U.S. west coast.

Family wise- my brother and father confronted (in a polite way) to the lady who is trying to screw us. And the outcome was good- because she got all flustered and taken aback. My dad has been very loyal to her and she and the company screwed him so bad- but finally, my brother was able to discuss some things with her. Bottom line, I think we will win this one. I pray we do, but I have all the confidence we will.

I have to work on a paper presentation- I’m headed to a conference 2 weeks from now.

Day 4_Getting back on Track

Hello,

Family Problems: Well I come to find out my brother will take care of the issues going on at home (ie. my dad potentially getting laid off and finding a new home). I feel a little better because usually I would be responsible to do everything. I do not mind, but completing a dissertation and being in a totally different state does not help. Plus, when I was living at home, I never got any work done because things would just come up with my family (ie. my mom getting sick- she is diabetic or paying bills ect). We have been somewhat tight on money, especially since my mom stopped working. I wonder if I am the ONLY one going through all of this BS, I do not understand why everything cannot go smoothly. I don’t even hear this from my peers, like I am sure they do have problems and issues at home or in life in general, but I don’t understand why I have to deal with life changing problems, especially at home. Sometimes, I just get mad. However, this pushes me to finish alot quicker.

Academia: So, yesterday I had my meeting with my advisor and it went better than I expected. He just pointed out a few thing I needed to change. Can I be honest with you? This is perhaps like 2 productive meetings I ever have with him since I started the program. Like I wish he was like this all the time, but everything is dependent on his mood swings or if he is having a bad day/week/month. It sucks, because when he is in a bad mood, the whole dissertation process just gets delayed. UGH. But now, I am happy at least he pointed the specific changes I need to make. I hope to have clean and completed draft to my committee by the first week of November (I will update you on that as well).

I’ve started jogging the past 2 nights and it really helps to blow off some steam. I really hope I can keep this up.

The following are my goals for this upcoming weekend:

1. work on my dissertation edits and hand it in by Monday

2. Keep jogging

3. pray alot for my family

Day 3_Advisors & Family

Hello,

I had such a weird dream and I am sorry I am hispanic and we are very superstitious people. There is a meaning or sign in anything, or at least we try to find some type of symbolism. Anyways, going back to my dream, I dreamt about my extended family, and to me, automatically, that is NOT GOOD (lol). That means I’m going to have a bad day (you see, very superstitious). My dad is a superintendent and his boss is a totally b***tch, like she instills FEAR in people. I like to call her Cruella DeVil. Well, I just called my parents (I always check in with them) and my dad told me that Cruella DeVil told him to show up at the office at 11 AM, this is very random. But I really hope that meeting goes well and it’s hard not think of the worse, because like I said, she NEVER does this. I’m very scared because the worse thing that might happen is that he might get fired (plus my dream does not help, since it was a bad omen). I think I wouldnt be able to get it together, because my mother is unemployed and this puts a lot of pressure on me. I’m still trying to get through this friggen dissertation but I can’t worry about my family at the same time. It’s difficult when people tell you need to prioritize- but how do you do that when your family needs you??? Please, wish me luck and I hope everything goes well in that meeting with my dad and his boss.

My advisor, well last night decides to email me and tell me that my chapters are CRAP. I worked so hard on them and now all of the sudden its CRAP. I will write about him another day, because it is alot, he put literally put me through hell and is not the GREATEST advisor. I have never gone through soo much turmoil in life, every since I came into this program and paired up with my advisor. He is like on a different like, let me explain, in a very short version. The guy is a raging lunatic and goes off on anyone and who ever’s paper he is reading, oh boy, he will take it out on him or her. I seriously think people like that should really retire, because they are not help and create a very hostile environment. So, I have a meeting with him today (oh God, 2 meetings – my dad and I- with the devils). Last night, when I read his email (advisors)- I couldn’t even respond because had I did- it wouldn’t go too well. So, I decided to go out for a run and it really helped me cool off some steam.

Well, I’m off- going to get some work done and prep for my meeting with my advisor.

Hope you all have a better day!

***UPDATE****

So, I was right, bad dream equals bad day. So, my dad’s boss said they are selling the building (which my dad has been a superintendent for 18 years). Now, I have a massive headache because all I can think about is the future. Who is going to hire a 65 year old? This is not good.

**Another Update**

Sorry, to keep updating, but I just felt the need to write more. Today was a very rough and tough day for my family. I feel bad for my dad because my mom just told me that is feeling down since his conversation with his boss. We are worried about the future and what is going to happen next. We never imagined this would happen, my dad may need to find another job, but hopefully whoever is buying the building will hire my father, so he can continue to be the superintendent for the same building. Then we would not have to move. This is so stressful and another ‘thing’ to have on my shoulders. But I will be positive and pray everything goes well.

As for my advisor, just had a meeting with him and went better than expected. Just pointed out a few changes I have to make. But seriously, was the email necessary enough to freak me out? UGH.

Day 2_How to say “NO” when trying to get work done

The power of NO (I do not mean dating wise- I mean academic wise). It’s very difficult when you have friends who do not have the same goals as you do. Believe me, I am the biggest procrastinator, but I’m trying very hard not to waste time anymore. I’m trying to finish my dissertation this semester and graduate by December. It is very difficult when you have a friend who continuously wants to go out and do work elsewhere, when clearly you know you will never get anything done. How do you deal with this????

Going back to the procrastination, I feel like it’s a disease. Boy, I wish there was a way to get rid of it. However, lately I’ve been doing alot better. My roommate is in law school and all she does is study and when I see her it encourages me to do the same (in my world that means write and read alot). We encourage each other and know when it is time to do work. Plus, the living situation is alot better, I use to live my parents and I never got any work done. Now, my only job is to write my dissertation and teach. Teaching is not a big deal, it is manageable. Yesterday, I graded 100 exams and the exam was yesterday too. I finished all 100 (all short answers).

Anyways. I’m going to into work mode. Wish me luck!

I’ll write back later.

A little bit about me…..

Hello World!

Well this is my first blog! I do not know if I am excited or not, it’s kinda of scary because I usually write in my journal and no one reads it, except for me. My blogs have no purpose, besides for therapeutic means. My stories are no better or no different from others, we all have different a different means of achieving a goal.

I am in a Phd program and its now my 5th year. This is tough to even write because I can’t believe how time just flew by. I can still remember my first day as a Phd student, I was very scared for the following reasons: (1) I am in the first in my family to reach this far (2) I was the only Hispanic person in my program (which should not be a big deal but it was hard to relate with my peers because they were either White or Asians) (3) I didn’t know what I was getting myself into (4) I was not prepared (mentally and emotionally). I know some of you are thinking, “well get over it, your in a program” or “what does being hispanic have to do with anything??” or “Stop complaining or whining, do what you got to do and get out” or “stop bitching!!”

I did my B.A., MA, and continuing my Phd- all in one shot- without any breaks. I regret it because I wish I traveled more. I feel like my youth just slipped from my hands. I am only 29 years old, so it’s not terrible. I just feel like I didn’t enjoy life as much. Most of my friends are either married, have kids, or have their dream jobs (9-5). I should be happy for them, but it’s hard when you are stuck trying to write a paper and keep wondering what my life would be like, had I just worked a 9 to 5 job.

It has been a very tough road for me, and I wish I can start again and not make the same mistakes. However, we live and we learn, but we can never take back time.

I come from a very hard working family. My dad and mom are one of the most hard working people and have made many sacrifices. They put me in a private high school (catholic) and middle school because they wanted what was best for me and my future. Not to say a private school is any better or different from a public school. They just decided for me to go into a private school. When I graduated from high school (I was pretty good student, academically), my mom told me that my dad cried. I know it sounds silly, but he was proud of me. To me family is important, I would do and drop anything for my family.

Presently, I am focused on my completing my dissertation. I do not know about you, but procrastination is my biggest evil enemy. I will get into that in later blogs.

Now that I am re-reading this entry, I do not know what the purpose is, but it sure does feel good writing. If only, I can write like this for my dissertation. lol.