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Updates

Hi Folks,

Again, I’m sorry for not writing frequently. At this point, I should perhaps think about writing a book about my freaking life. I have both good and bad updates (mostly bad).

Let’s start off with the bad (let’s rip that band-aid):

  • Three months ago, my father got fired from his job. A total of 22 years of being a building superintendent. I will explain this in another blog. But we are OK. I can tell you that it was HELL. We went to court and had to find a place to live quick, despite the holidays.
  • My brother, went back to his old habits (addiction).
  • Grad school stuff was been the worse.
  • Job is ok, but I need the fucking degree to get promoted.

Good stuff:

  • My parents and I found a nice place to live. We are much happier.
  • I keep praying and my faith has really gotten me through the darkest days of my life.

Although my life of bad updates/stuff is longer than the good, all I can say that things could be worse. Financially, things are a bit tight, but I have faith my family and I will get through this.

2017, I really hope you can treat my family and I better. 2016 can kiss my ass!

I will try to write something tomorrow. But I really hope you guys/gals had a happy new year. Despite all these life setbacks, the only thing we can do is to move forward! As my parents say “tenemos que siguer adelante!”

I really missed blogging and I will try to this more frequently. Bye folks!

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Grad school Friends

One of my best friends from grad school visited me yesterday and to be honest with you I’m the worse person to ever keep in touch with friends. It’s not because I’m selfish or I don’t care, but for some odd reason, I’m just bad a keeping in touch. I’ve lost many friends because of that. Life gets in the way. I think if I had more close friends, I wouldn’t blog my problems with graduate school and family. But in a way, this (blogging) is like an outlet for me. It’s hard to tell my friends my problems or issues I’m facing because sometimes I feel like I’m boring them or they just want me to shut up. That’s why I keep my problems/issues all to myself, which is also not good. I just deal with it or completely ignore it and move on.

However, I have a few people in my life that I can really call ‘friends.’ I’m really not a girls girl, however, the few girl friends that I have are the relationship that I care the most about. No offense ladies, it is really hard to be friends with girls. I get along better with guys because there are ‘drama free’. I have girl cousins and it’s hard for me to be really close to them because I feel like they are judgmental and always criticizing about everything little thing. I only have 2 really close girl friends : (  I know that is sad, but its the truth.

Well, it was very refreshing to see my friend. It’s almost as if we were each others therapist. Also, it is nice to pick up where we left off with life. It kinda puts everything into perspective when we start talking about each others lives, or what has happened since the last time we saw each other.

I really missed my friend, she has been there for me throughout grad school. I had to really great friends in grad school, her and a guy friend. We were each others ‘safe space’ in our department. I was very luck to have them. I even dedicated a whole paragraph to them in my dissertation acknowledgements.

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Reading

Reading for pleasure has anyone tried?? I love to read! there is something about being transported away to a different place, time, and meeting different people.

Even when I was a kid, I use to collect the Bernstein bear books, babysitter clubs, ect. OMG, I use to be obsessed with those books.

What I do now is borrow books from my local library. I used to read from my kindle but it was getting a little costly after awhile.

Also aside from reading journal articles or books related to your research, it is always best to mix it up a bit.

Perhaps, not similarly going to gym, but I tried to read a book on a daily basis. Obviously, it has be to be something interesting. Also, my commute time is about an hour, so reading kills time on the train.

Click on this link and it explains ‘reasons why we should read’: http://www.realsimple.com/health/preventative-health/benefits-of-reading-real-books

So far I’ve read the following books:

  • The Nightingale by Kristen Hannah (I’m currently reading this)
  • Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson (OMG- this is a must!!!)
  • When I’m Gone by Emily Bleeker
  • Our souls at night  (this is ok)
  • The Piano teacher (this is ok)
  • The expatriates (good book)
  • All the light we cannot see (a must read!)
  • The Girl on the Train (OMG!)

 

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Working Out

So, it’s going to be two weeks now since I’ve been going to the gym. I’m going to try to stick with it, but I’ve made it a part of my daily routine. In other words, just like I how I eat dinner everyday, I go to the gym everyday. I’m going at my own pace, in terms of not getting all nuts. After the 4th or 5th day, I felt a difference in myself, not physical, but mentally. I felt a bit calmer and not as anxious.

I think going to the gym or at least doing some type of physical activity (besides walking to your car, or commuting home) should be a part of our day. I can see how people get really obsessed going to the gym because you are dealing with yourself and listening to your favorite music. Nothing else matters, but you and the great music.

Do I see a change? NOPE…lol. I really don’t see a change in my body but I do see a change in my attitude and state of mind.

I do the following at the gym: 

  • 30 minutes on the treadmill 
    • 5 minutes warmup
    • 10 minutes incline and power walk
    • 15 minutes incline and jogging
  • 10 minutes on the Arc Trainer machine 
  • 10 minutes on elipitical 
  • 15 minutes of weights 

So, bottom line, go out and do some exercise. Go out and enjoy some great music.

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Getting back to ‘Work Mode’…..

Hi Folks,

The purpose of this particular blog is to ‘getting back to work mode‘. In the past couple of week or months, I’ve totally wasted time on not doing anything productive. I would work on something for an hour and next thing you know I’m thinking about my family, future, logging on to facebook, and just stupid stuff. My head was literally in the clouds.

However, when it came to work (for my job), I would be on top of whatever project, I was working on. Finish it to the end. However, academia-related projects for my future (ie. writing article, looking of assistant professor jobs, writing a research statement, updating my CV) has been in the back burner in past couple of months. I feel like I have no energy or just not compelled to do anything related to that. Let’s take a step back, my current job is academia related- I am a researcher but working on my director’s projects. I supervise other research assistants.

Well, I made the good old ‘check list’ and notice a few things.

  1. I am not realistic.
  2. I need to break down my ‘tasks’ into smaller ‘tasks’ to accomplish the ‘end product.’
  3. Need to set due dates for myself to ensure that I complete each task at a timely manner.

 

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Angry

I wish I can personally express to someone how I am feeling at this very moment.

I’m so angry the way my father is treated.

I’m so angry people can be so fucking arrogant and such assholes.

It’s been getting worse each day.

At times it is as if life is not fair, but nothing is fair. Can I have a minute to complain? I’m grateful for everything that I have, the bed I sleep in, the fact my parents have jobs (my dad has full-time job and my mom has a part-time job). I don’t mean to complain so much. But I wonder at times how does it feel to sleep peacefully? without worrying how your parents day is going to unfold the next day? I pray every day (literally) and every night that everything goes as smoothly as possible for my parents.

I wish I wouldn’t have to worry as much, but this takes me back when I was little kid. When I had to translate for my parents, I use to fear when my parents had to say something to someone and they wouldn’t understand. All of these fears keep creeping up on me again. Can I for once not worry about such things? I envy my peers and friends who don’t need to worry about such things.

Sorry people for writing such sad/angry blogs…but this is the way I feel now.

 

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To my father

Hello papi

I wish I can say the following, personally to you, but I know I do not have the nerve to do so, because we will probably start crying.

I promise that we, you mom and I will be living in a nice home. One day, you will no longer carry that God forsaken phone of yours, and will not have to answer to a bunch of white, young, entitled, assholes.

I promise you will finally rest and do your favorite hobbies such as fixing things around the house, organizing your boxes, or preparing for the weekend markets.

I promise you won’t have to worry about tenants complaining about stupid shit, but I will always come to your rescue when they disrespect you.

I promise that we will all be sitting in our front porch drinking coffee or your favorite flavored waters and talk about how we survived the past and how this was all we ever wanted, a nice home.

I promise you will be happier with my mom and I when we get the hell out of this building and you will no longer be a superintendent to a bunch of assholes.

Don’t worry papi, just give me some time, and I will whisk you and mom away to a new a home. This I promise you.Thank you for your hard work and for your patience, papi.

love always.

Tu hija!